I first
met Kobun in Les KayeÕs living room in early 1970,
where students sat in a circle and discussed Dharma
questions. Kobun was mostly
silent. I had left my troubled marriage and family just months
before and was still working as a corporate nerd in mainframe computer
R&D, but trending toward a hippie culture. Haiku Zendo
and Kobun were even better!
After
months of occasional sitting at Haiku Zendo, I asked
for a private meeting with Kobun. We met in dokusan
in his living room. When I began apologizing for my ignorance of Zen, Kobun almost shouted, ÒYou are not ignorant!Ó He then gave
me detailed physical instructions for sitting zazen. I
tried to be pleasant, agreeable, and respectful, even while thinking, ÒHell no!
Too much! Nothing to do with meditation!Ó which I understood then as primarily
mental.
As time
went by I practiced zazen daily and saw Kobun occasionally.
The sesshins Kobun
led were incredibly difficult and tortuous for me. (Throughout those
decades my practice was rewarded with Òenlighten-mintsÓ but no breakthough. Even so, my personal problems did
diminish with practice.)
KobunÕs talks during sesshin were always
very warm, talking about sesshin practice but also
about his family, training and personal experience in Japan and America. His personal life was troubled by problems
that his students also suffered: Problems with money, marriage, homes, etc. We
students loved his talks in part because they provided relief from our
intensive sitting practice!
In the
mid-1970's I suggested to a mutual friend that I might
look for a Zen master. She replied ÒDonÕt you think Kobun
is a masterÓ? That had not occurred to me, as Kobun
Sensei (teacher) was always very careful not to allow anyone to call him Roshi. By 1980 he allowed people to use the
"Roshi" title, although mostly he was just
called Kobun.
Kobun supported my spending a practice period at Tassajara
Zen monastery in 1977. Later, since I traveled frequently to Japan,
he invited me to visit his brother KeibunÕs family
temple in Kamo, where I was generously welcomed as a
guest. It did not occur to me to be there as a Zen student, in part
because I was mostly traveling on business during the several visits.
However, in retrospect I think that both he and his brother thought I might
start over, in Japanese monasteries under Keibun's
direction.
I never
asked Kobun for ordination (nor did he suggest
it) assuming that if he wanted me to serve any particular role he would
ask me. He did have me become a sangha officer and later
board member for a few years each. In early 1980 I asked him to
officiate at my wedding, and he generously met with my fiancŽ and me a number
of times. Kobun arrived perhaps twenty
minutes late at my wedding ceremony, to our waiting full house, having parked
his VW bug across the sidewalk to save time.
After
that Kobun was traveling and living elsewhere and his
appearances became less and less frequent. But each time he came
back it was as though he had not been away. His talks became more personal
and, to me, he seemed firmer in directing Jikoji as
well as in teaching. In later years he became increasingly warm toward me,
once jumping from his car to hug me after our cars pulled into Jikoji. Felt weird; I feel more comfortable with
Japanese formality than with hugs.